Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
