we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
