What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Houston, we have a squirter
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
