i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
