your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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