Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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