Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My liver just broke up with me...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
