i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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