You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Where is the hickey?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
