like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
