u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
i black out too much to be "responsible"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
