Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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