I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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