Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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