He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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