Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
