sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
