It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
