It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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