And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
