i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
What drink are we having for lunch?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
