pedialite and red bull = repair kit
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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