bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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