Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
