So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The beer is more important than you right now.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
