ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
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