Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
