someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
