how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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