I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
