My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
