Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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