do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
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