Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
