oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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