Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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