we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
