you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
