Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
