I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
