I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
