nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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