You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
