i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
