My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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