when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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