my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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