"it" just moved
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
