Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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