I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
